How Gratitude Builds Legendary Leaders with Chester Elton

Welcome to episode 258 of the Business Development Podcast.

And today we're joined by the incredible Chester Elton, globally known as the Apostle of Appreciation.

He's the co author of 15 leadership books including the Carrot Principle, all in leading with Gratitude and Anxiety at Work and with millions of copies sold in over 30 languages.

His energy is electric, his storytelling unforgettable, and his wisdom will shift how you lead forever.

This conversation is a masterclass in gratitude, culture and human connection.

Stick with us, you don't want to miss this episode.

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Welcome to the Business Development Podcast.

And now your expert host, Kelly Kennedy.

Hello.

Welcome to episode 258 of the Business Development Podcast.

And today it is my true pleasure to bring you Chester Elton.

Chester is a globally recognized expert in organizational culture, employee engagement and leadership with two decades of experience helping top companies unlock their full potential.

Our number one New York Times best selling author, he has co authored award winning books like all in the Carrot Principle, Leading with Gratitude and Anxiety at Work, which have been translated into over 30 languages and have sold more than 1.6 million copies worldwide.

Chester's groundbreaking work, supported by research involving over a million working adults and reveals the proven secrets behind building a high performance culture that thrives on appreciation, innovation and collaboration.

Known as the Apostle of Appreciation, Chester is a force in transforming the modern workplace.

His powerful and inspiring talks provide leaders with actionable strategies to drive engagement, elevate performance and create cultures of belief that deliver extraordinary results.

If you're ready to lead your team with purpose and passion, Chester Elton is the catalyst who will help you unlock your organization's true potential.

Chester, it's an honor to have you on the show.

Well, thank you, Kelly.

That's quite the introduction.

You know, every now and again when people do, they go, I want to meet that guy.

Me too.

Oh wait, I am.

Yeah, yeah.

No, listen, I think this will be great fun.

Thank you so much for the invite.

I. I'm honored to be on your podcast.

Oh man, you know, you know, we were talking before the show, like you have your own podcast, which at this point, at this point in recording is at 253 episodes.

Not to mention, you know, you're a leader in leadership, you know, in business.

And I think people like me every once in a while, I just feel like I'm standing on the shoulders of giants.

And so, like, the honor is very much mine.

You know, we're.

We're trying to carry the torch from amazing people such as yourself.

Well, thank you.

I think you're doing a great job.

Well, thank you so much.

You know, you've done a lot.

You've written, what is it, 14 books at this point, either written or co authored.

14 books.

That is absolutely incredible.

Yeah, actually it's 15.

We self published a book, you know, we publish with a lot of big publishers and we were going through all this stuff and, you know, the common thread in everything we do, Kelly, you'll notice, is gratitude, right?

Our first seven books had carrot in the title.

You know, carrots versus sticks and the rewards and recognition.

And it's really interesting.

I got in the habit some years ago of keeping a gratitude journal, and I'm a big fan of how you start your day, how you end your day.

And I called Adrian.

All the books that have my name on it have Adrian Gostic's name on it as well.

He's written some other books on his own.

My books are all with Adrian, and it's really interesting.

I said, you know, this is crazy that we don't have our own gratitude journal.

And let's, let's just self publish it.

You don't need it to be a bestseller or anything like that.

Just for our executive coaches or executives that we coach and so on and so on.

So.

Yeah, you don't.

Well, you don't have visuals on this, so I'll show it to you.

But it's called the Gratitude habit.

Amazing.

A 90 day journal to a more grateful life.

And it's been well received.

And so, yeah, so 15. Who'd have thunk it?

Listen, if you talk to anybody that was in Hillside High School in West Vancouver when I graduated and they said, wait a minute, you're a best selling author?

Yeah, I always tell them, well, Adrian Gostic is my partner and he's actually the writer.

And they go, well, that makes perfect sense because you were very good at delegating stuff, you know, so all good fun.

No, no, it's incredible.

Like, congratulations.

That is unbelievable.

Did you ever think that you were going to Be a best selling author when you wrote your first book.

You know, it's a great question.

And the way we wrote our first book was kind of fun.

I grew up in sales and I was working for a company that sold recognition programs.

You know, you have a five year anniversary and you get an award.

And I really liked it.

I actually grew up in a broadcasting family.

My dad was an announcer at CJCA in Edmonton, and we moved to Vancouver.

He started to run radio stations, CQWX there and, and CJAZZ at the time was the fm.

And my dad always said, look, nothing ever happens until somebody sells somebody something go into sales, right?

Yeah.

And so we did well, as I was selling these recognition programs, and I love that, you know, the honoring people and their loyalty and dedication.

I had a project with a consultant from an HR consulting firm and I said, hey, I'd love to learn more about your company.

And this was right at the very beginning of the Internet, where people's web pages were basically a slide that said, call this number.

You know, it was their logo and a phone number.

Ooh, that was so, you know, so cutting edge.

Yeah, look at that.

It's on your phone.

Anyway, so he said, let me send you a book that's written by our senior VP of international business.

And it was called the Employee.

The Employee Equation, something like that.

Okay.

And he overnighted it to me.

It had a bookmark.

And I thought, this is genius, you know, So I called our CEO, Kent Murdock.

He's since retired, we're still good friends.

And I said, hey, Kent, you know, if we publish the.

The definitive book on employee recognition, we would be the thought leaders.

Thought leaders publish.

And my job would be so much easier.

People would call us because they wanted to talk to the thought leaders.

I wouldn't have to cold call.

I'm thinking, this is like a great idea.

And he goes, ooh, I love that idea.

Well, write the book.

And I went, Ken, I. I don't think you caught what I actually said.

What I said was, is we should write the light.

In other words, you should write the book.

And then I would benefit from this book.

Yeah.

And this was the moment, Kelly, that changed everything.

He said, you know what?

You're a smart guy.

Figure it out.

Isn't that interesting?

You're a smart guy.

Figure it out.

So for about a year, I played with ideas and titles and chapters and symbolism would be a big part, and how you present the award would be.

And then he called me back.

This is a great leader.

And he said, hey, Chester, I've been thinking about that book idea.

I just hired a guy that's a writer.

His name's Adrian Gostic.

Introduce yourself.

You've got all the ideas.

He knows how to write.

Write the book.

Well, as fate would have it, Adrian born in England.

His family moved to Canada when he was to Edmonton, and his dad worked at Rolls Royce.

Everything goes through Edmonton eventually.

And so we got together and we wrote our first book.

We published it in the year 2000, and it was called Managing with Carrots.

So we wear orange.

Well, I wear orange, Adrian, not so much.

And it was the first book we wrote.

Now, at that time, we had an idea, and Kent had a vision that we would write a whole library of karat books.

And so we kind of thought that if we kind of did it right, we could maybe build to it.

Yes.

And sure enough, when we were at that, we wrote seven books, all with caret in the title, and every book sold a little more than the next.

You mentioned that you finally found the Carat Principle.

I did, yeah.

We had two editions of the Carat Principle, both New York Times bestsellers.

One was domestic, the other had international data.

And, you know, as we were prone to say in Canada.

Well, in Jersey, we say, butter bing, bada boom.

And then in Canada, you'd say, and then Bob's your uncle.

We.

We worked really hard at.

We got better at writing.

We get better at positioning, better at marketing.

Yeah.

And then people would say, hey, I read your book.

That was great.

You speak on your book, don't you?

We said, well, sure, we could probably do that.

And we studied, you know, speakers that we thought were really good.

And then people said, we loved your speech.

Do you have training?

Is it.

Well, we could probably do that.

And we started to build out this little carrot empire, you know, with books and speaking and training and then eventually executive coaching.

So it's been a fun ride.

It's been amazing.

And first off, you are a Canadian, and I think that that's pretty cool.

I don't think a lot of people would actually know that.

Well, it is so.

And so is Adrian.

You know, I mean, he's got a British passport, he's got a Canadian passport.

I think he has an American passport now.

He's this close to being Jason Bourne.

You know, you got almost some euros, some Canadian dollars, some American dollars, and a gun, and you're Jason Bourne.

So we did have that.

It was so funny because when Ken said, introduce yourself.

We had this big sales conference down in Florida, and We got to know each other and he'd written a couple of books on hockey.

I said, oh, this is unbelievable that we're finding each other, you know.

Yeah.

Two Canadians, you know, plotting their carrot empire down in Florida, you know, so.

Yeah.

And we've, we've become dear, dear, dear friends.

We've been doing this for over two decades now.

I think we're in our 20.

Well, 25th year.

2024.

Yeah.

And we've, our kids have grown up together, and it's been a remarkable partnership.

That is.

That is unbelievable.

I guess, like, one of the questions that I have for you is, were you always destined to be on this path?

Right.

Like, it's one thing to be good at something or it's one thing to be like, oh, yeah, I think we can maybe write a book on, you know, on motivating people.

But it's a whole nother thing to essentially become the leader in the space of motivating people.

You know, I.

Yes, thank you for that.

Very kind.

I don't know that we're the leaders.

I think we are a leader in, you know, a pretty big category.

You know, it's so funny.

I often thought, you know, you, you'll know you've arrived when you're on the Kelly Kennedy podcast.

When that happens.

That's like the Good Housekeeping seal of approval.

You know what I mean?

Well, in all fairness, when you wrote the book, I was probably 12, so you were really ahead.

Not intended to make me feel old at all there.

Thank you.

Thank you, Kelly.

You know, destiny is an interesting word.

You know, I honestly believe that, you know, opportunity happens with hard work.

Adrian is a brilliant writer.

We've learned to collaborate really nicely together.

We've had really wonderful people around us.

Kent Murdoch had he not supported us.

I mean, we had the luxury of writing a book while we had really good, full paying jobs.

Yes.

And a company that said, hey, we've got 100 salespeople that are going to, you know, schlep these books for you and get you on bestseller lists and, and market it and, and a client base that we could tap into that were, you know, just so kind and generous with, you know, their stories and, and, and research and so on.

So, yes, we, we, we, we've, we've had a great ride and we have a, a certain niche that, that we've, you know, my kids, they say, you know, we've got four grandchildren now, right.

And my little grandson says, pop up.

Are you famous?

Because we've got stuff on Instagram now.

You know, and they go, I see you on Instagram.

I go, well, you know, then you've arrived, right?

I said, you know, buddy, in a very specific space, in a very particular niche, your pop up is somewhat well known.

You're being very humble.

Well, you know, it is.

It's an interesting category.

Like, we deal a lot with human resource executives and so on.

And so it's really like, if you're in hr, you've got a copy of the Care Principal.

You know, our salespeople love that.

They'd go to.

I have this one friend, he's recently retired, Pat Diamini down in Dallas.

He'd go in to sell these, you know, recognition programs and stuff, and he'd look on their shelf and he'd say, so you Care Principal?

Yeah, I saw this guy present at a conference.

It was so much fun.

He goes, you know, when he comes to Dallas, he stays at my house.

That's awesome.

So, yeah, so we've had a lot of fun.

And, you know, it's been amazing to me how international it's become.

You know, Adrian and I were totaling it up.

We've presented our philosophy on great cultures, great leaders with this, you know, common theme of gratitude in 45 different countries.

Wow.

And just last week, I got a little package in the mail, and there was a copy of Anxiety at Work and leading with gratitude in Vietnamese.

Wow.

I know.

I thought this sounds like.

So you're like, I don't know what I'm reading here, but this is awesome.

Well, actually, I went through and emailed him back, and I said, you know, on page 35, there's a little.

Your grammar's a little off.

But, you know, so it is fun.

Hard translating a book to that many different languages, that's got to be really challenging.

Well, you know, it's so funny.

People find you and then they contact the publisher.

You know, you don't.

You think.

You don't know, you know, that they pay $100,000 for the rights.

They go, no, it was like 150 bucks.

And, you know, so we've got an offer, you know, for these guys in Vietnam.

200 bucks.

What do you think?

Yeah, you can just tell them they got to send us a copy, you know, for our collection, and it's good fun.

You know, it sounds like ultimately recognition and gratitude isn't just, you know, a North American value.

Like, you know, the reality is, if you have 35 different countries looking for this, looking for this information, it's gotta be.

It's gotta be, you know, you know, a worldwide thing.

We appreciate being appreciated.

You're exactly right.

It's a human thing, right?

It's Maslow's pyramid, right?

It's self actualization.

Once you've, once you've got food and shelter, then you start working on, you know, being valued and appreciated.

It is very nuanced.

You know, it's different in Asia than it is in South America, than it is in North America and, and Europe and in France.

I think it's kind of non existent actually.

But it's the French.

I would get such a kick out of the French.

You know, their lives are wonderful, right?

You know, their food is amazing.

When it comes to this kind of stuff, they go, eh, so it is nuanced and yet there is always that.

Is what I do important and am I valued?

You know, in our book all in, which is our seminal research on culture, we say, look, you've got to engage, enable and energize your people.

And part of energizing them is noticing what they do and celebrate it.

That the definition is, I believe what I do matters and I make a difference.

So if I believe that what I do matters every day I show up, right, and that I can connect the dots, that what I do makes a difference, there's a ripple effect, right?

Then, then I've got purpose, then I'm emotionally engaged, right?

And then if I've got a leader that notices that and celebrates my contribution, life is good, stuff gets done.

Why don't we, why do we need a book on this?

I struggle with this because I think, like, obviously we like being appreciated, right?

But like, why is it that we don't manage that way?

Like, why is it that we have to teach our managers how to do this?

Why is it not just like an innate human thing where we're like, hey, you know what?

What?

There, I appreciate it.

It's amazing.

You know, I, why don't we do that more often?

Why is it that it's something we actually have to train?

Well, see, it comes second nature to you because you're Canadian, eh?

I mean, Canadians, that, what's your brand?

You know, we're nice, except we got a hockey stick in our hand and then, you know, all bets are off.

Some crappy bosses.

Too bad.

I, I, I, I kid with you.

I'll tell you what's really interesting is I, I do, you know, my kids, when they were young, they go, dad, what do you do?

Like, what is it that you do?

Like, my buddy's dad's a lawyer, you know, My buddy's dad's an accountant.

My buddy's dad's on Wall Street.

Whatever.

I said, you know, I kind of travel the world and I remind people to say thank you.

And they go, huh?

You have to remind them to do that.

And they go, yeah, yeah, you do.

And, you know, it's, again, it comes back to human nature that we just want to get stuff done, you know, and so we're checking the boxes.

And unfortunately, the human side of business, of gratitude and.

And recognition and saying thank you is seen as a soft skill and a nice to have.

Not a must have, a nice have.

Right.

And so it's really interesting.

What we really want to do is reposition all of that and say, look, it's not a soft skill.

It's a power skill.

And it's not a nice to have.

It's an absolute must have.

And where it really came into focus was the pandemic, because people really were suffering.

You know, we were separated from our tribes, we were isolated, and we really needed to know, is everything going to be okay?

And is what I'm going to do, is it valued?

In most cases, do I even have a job or do we even have a company?

Sure.

And so this idea of being able to be human, to care about each other, to cheer for each other, I always say, look, you want to be a great leader, you got to do two things.

Well, three things.

You've got to be a lot more empathetic than you thought you had to be in years past.

You've got to be a teacher and a coach and a mentor.

Right.

And you've got to be kind to your people.

You just do.

And if your people know that you care about them, the dynamic changes dramatically.

You know, so many great books are written.

I love Kim Scott's book, Radical Candor.

You know, she said when they first published that book, people thought the title meant it gave them license to be mean.

I'm going to be radically candid with you.

Brace yourself, you know, keep your dukes up and protect yourself at all times.

Right?

Yeah.

And the thing is, she starts it off with.

It starts with the relationship.

You've got to have a great relationship.

People need to know you care.

And then, you know, you can be radically candid about where people need to improve things they need to do how we need to move this project forward.

Isn't it interesting?

It always comes back to that human relationship, right?

Totally.

Totally.

And, you know, I've had the pleasure of interviewing Lou Adler, Liz Ryan on the show where we talked Heavily about relationships, specifically with Liz Ryan.

She has a book called Reinvention Roadmap, which is awesome.

And it really talks about how there's a huge, monumental shift happening in business right now where if people are unhappy for any reason, they're out.

Like, trying to keep people in an organization has never, ever been harder.

Would you agree with that?

Oh, 100%.

And, you know, in the States, where I live now, and in Canada as well, look, if you're talented, you've got options, you know, you can go somewhere else.

And this idea of, you know, in my generation, so I'm the end of the baby boomers, right?

I'm that old man that's telling everybody to get off his lawn at this point, you know, and the point is, is that in my generation, if you had.

If you were at two or three companies, that was okay.

If you were like, if you.

If your resume, you were at, like, five different companies, people go like, did you get fired?

Are you one step ahead of the law?

Like, what.

What are you, you know, what are you running from?

Are you not paying your taxes?

Is that so?

And now nobody cares.

No, you know, millennials, Gen Z, you're gonna have 20 jobs.

Yeah.

I had a friend call me.

He says, gosh, I. I left the company.

We.

It was fine.

I wasn't all that happy, to your point, with.

With my manager.

I didn't feel like I had opportunity, which I want to talk to you about right after this.

And I left for another company.

I've been here a year, and by the way, this isn't working either.

And I've got a company really interested in me, but does it look like I'm jumping around?

And remember, nobody cares.

They don't.

And the fact that they're interested in you tells you they don't care.

Right?

Go where you're going to be productive, where you're going to be valued, where you can produce.

And it's so interesting that the HAY Group came out with a wonderful study just recently that the number one reason that people are leaving their jobs, particularly the millennial Gen Z. Gen Z, depending where you live in North America, right?

The number one reason people are leaving their job is opportunity.

Nowhere to grow, replacing money.

And by the way, I always thought money was a bit of a.

Bit of a misnomer, that, you know, you were unhappy with your boss or what was going on, and so you quit.

And the exit interview said, why are you leaving?

And you'd say, more money because it was easy.

Oh, well, more money, you know, And I think in many cases, that was probably not true.

Right.

It was the easy out.

Now, when people are saying, look, I need a place where I can grow and develop, and my generation, it was the corporate ladder you were climbing up, and if you weren't going up, you were failing.

Now, you know, your career is kind of like a rock wall.

Like you'll.

You'll go up here and then you want to learn something.

And it may be a lateral move.

Yes.

You know, my generation.

Lateral moves were.

What?

What do you mean?

You know, come on now.

It's.

And my son.

I used.

I love to use my son Garrett as an example.

And it's.

It's okay because he never listens to any podcast I'm on, so.

It doesn't.

Not yet.

He's not going to find.

He's a video editor, and he loves his job.

And he got in with this great little company he started in Austin, Texas, and then they moved him to Wichita, Kansas.

And he loved the people he worked with, and he loved what he was doing.

The thing is that where he wanted to develop as a video editor and the stuff he wanted to learn, there was no one there that did it or that could teach him.

So classic.

He goes onto LinkedIn.

By the way, if you want to follow me on LinkedIn, it's great.

I got like 630,000 followers.

Yeah.

Which is a lot of fun.

And he went to LinkedIn.

He found an area that he wanted to work in.

He found an area of the country that he and his wife wanted to live.

They had family and friends in the area.

He found a company that did a lot of cool things that he wanted to do.

So he found graduates from his university that worked in that company, reached out to him.

They connected, sent him his portfolio.

Kelly.

Within two to three weeks, he had an offer, a move budget, and he was out of there.

Wow.

And he could not be happier.

He's doing all kinds of interesting things.

He's doing production.

He's doing some.

They encourage him to do stuff on the side.

He's got his own little production company, and they love him to do that because it keeps his creative juices going.

And he didn't leave because he was unhappy, and he didn't leave because he didn't like his moss.

He checked those boxes.

How could he learn, grow, and develop?

Fascinating.

It is, it is.

But, you know, if I even look at my career, it's like things are changing so quickly that if you don't learn and develop and try to figure out what's next, you're going to be left behind probably in a year or two years.

Like, things are moving so quickly.

Yeah.

Which really begs, you know, are, are we set up educationally to really deal with that?

You know, do you really need a four year degree?

Because, you know, by the time, by the time you're through your freshman year, all the stuff you learned doesn't, doesn't matter anymore anyway, you know, unless, like, you know, go to medical school.

I don't want somebody operating on me that didn't go to medical school.

Right.

There's certain jobs where you go, look, that one, that one, that one makes sense.

The thing is though, you know, I really do think that the, the old, you know, European system of, of, you know, mentoring.

Yes.

And apprenticeships and, you know, learning and growing and, and developing under a master is going to make a lot more sense going forward.

I love that.

I actually love that because, you know, it's funny, like, me and my fiance Shelby, we were literally talking about that the other day.

We're like, why, why can we only apprentice for like, electrician or, you know, plumber or a tradesperson?

Like, why do, why do we not have, like, business apprenticeships?

Why don't we have, you know, apprenticeships for everything?

Like, it doesn't really make a lot of sense other than there's probably like a university reason or you got to keep them going.

Yeah.

You know, this idea that, you know, your qualifications have to be, you know, a bachelor's, an mba, a doctorate, you know, you know, whatever, you kind of go, really?

Did you really?

You know, it's so funny.

My, my father, you know, his generation, the great generation, you know, he was, you know, World War II veteran and, and so on.

He said, I, I remember I had the sales job during the summer and it was great.

Now you're gonna laugh, but I actually sold Bibles door to door.

If somebody goes door to door now, you know you're gonna get shot.

But anyway, we'd literally knock on doors and we would sell these Bibles in these study Bibles and stuff in North Dakota and down in the Bible Belt in this way.

I paid my way through college and I made good money.

It was straight commission, you know, eat what you kill.

Right.

And my dad said, they recruited me, they wanted to be me to be a sales manager and recruit and sell during some, yeah, well, you got to take that job.

I said, dad, look, I'm, I'm going into my senior year.

I, I, I want to get my degree.

He goes, why?

I said, well, you know, marketing and sales and I want to get into media sales and, you know, follow the family tradition.

He goes, chess, they don't care if you've got a degree.

They want to know, can you sell?

Yes.

And if you can sell, trust me, they, they could care less if you graduated from elementary school.

They just want to know, you know.

And I said, well, just for my own benefit, I want to have like a degree, right?

Yeah.

And it was so interesting that, that I really had to talk.

You know, usually it's the other way around.

I had to talk my dad into letting me graduate.

Wow.

So and so, more and more, and we're off on a bit of a tangent here, but great leaders, I will tell you right now, like, if I were to ask you, Kelly, over and above your family, you know, your mom, your dad, your grandparents, whoever raised you, who had the most impact in your life?

If you look back, who were the influencers?

Like, what were their titles?

Yeah, no, I, I had a, I had a manager at a company that I worked at, one of the ones straight after high school actually.

And he was an older gentleman and he just knew how to lead, you know, like some people just got it.

And you're right, a big part of his leadership technique was recognition.

He would consistently pull me aside and say, hey, you know, like, great job getting the work done this week or hey, I see what you're doing.

Right.

Like, he was the kind of person who wouldn't make you wait to ask or to let you know how you're doing.

He would go out of his way to make sure that you knew.

And I remember him to this day.

He might not even be with us anymore, but an incredible, incredible person.

And you know what?

There's managers I've had after him.

I don't even remember their names.

Sure, sure.

I'm in a, I'm in a coach shop here.

You know, I'm an executive coach and I love coaching and it's really great is the older you get, the more credibility you've got, you know?

No, Nobody wants a 23 year old coach, which holds me in good stead.

I want you to look that manager up and I want you to reach out to him and tell them how much he meant to you.

I will.

It'll make your day.

And trust me, it'll make his day too.

So a mentor, right?

Somebody in business, took you under his wing, made it happen.

I'm also willing to bet that there was a teacher somewhere along the road that inspired you.

You know, whether it was an English teacher, a math teacher, whatever.

And if you played sports, we've all had a coach that, that said, you know what, you can do better.

And they coached us up.

So when you think about that, a mentor, a coach, a teacher.

A fourth category popped up the other day as I was doing this exercise with a bunch of people.

And that is a dear friend, you know, that you had a friend that kind of pulled you inside and said, hey, you know what, don't get down on yourself.

You're better than this.

Right?

Yeah.

Those are now the qualities of great leaders.

Right.

I don't want somebody just to help make me a better worker be.

I want somebody that's going to help me be a better person.

You know, we say, and whether we mean it or not, bring your whole self to work.

You know, how Zen, you know, bring your whole self to work.

By the way, we got, we got stuff to get done here.

So, you know, make sure that you check some boxes while you're here as you've meditated the meaning of life.

The point is, if we're going to say that we have to mean it and what people are looking for.

We spend so much time at work.

Yeah, I want somebody that's going to teach me to be honest and integral.

I want somebody to teach me what the ethics are of good business.

I want somebody to say, see what they did there?

That's leadership.

You want to lead, figure that out, you know, and that's what's going to attract the best and the brightest.

Now, I know you have a lot of young entrepreneurs that listen to your podcast as you start out.

Make sure you surround yourself with some wisdom.

You know, I always say, look, get some gray hairs in the room.

Now your listeners can't see me.

I don't have any hair anymore.

I've got a gray beard.

Maybe I should say that I have some gray beards in the room.

You know, tap into that wisdom.

There's a lot to be said for that.

You know, we've gotten away in society from that generational wisdom.

We go to Google and we trust Google before you trust our parents and it's not right.

That's not good, that's not healthy.

Get some gray beards in the room and listen to them.

They've had experience, they understand human relations, they can coach you up and make sure they are good people.

We're getting caught in this trap of a lot of transactional people.

What's in it for me?

And we get involved in win lose relationships instead of the great Stephen Covey.

Win, Win.

Well, I'll tell you a good story.

We got to know some guys from the Covey Institute, and we did some work with them, and they're just wonderful people.

They were getting their book translated.

You know, there's seven habits into French.

And the translators came back and they said, we're having a tough time with this concept of win, win.

What do you mean by that?

And they said, we don't know how to translate that into French.

Well, you know, you should figure it out.

It's a great concept.

So the whole idea there, you know, is, look, generational wisdom makes sense.

It's why I love working with in Asia and in the Middle east, where that family tradition, the respect for elders and this generational cultural, this wisdom that gets passed down.

So, you know, learn how to teach, learn how to coach, learn how to mentor, learn how to, you know, bring gratitude, like you say in recognition into everything you do.

You know, your default should be assume positive intent.

Yeah.

People come to work wanting to do a good job.

They're going to make mistakes.

That's okay, right?

Think about it, Kelly.

I always laugh when I present.

I said, how many of you honestly believe that you've got somebody in your company that woke up this morning and said, my goal today is to screw up really badly, you know, three times before lunch?

Yeah.

You know, no, you know, people.

People are working hard.

I've got a dear friend.

His name's Gary Ridge.

You should get him on your podcast.

He's delightful.

He's the recently retired CEO of WD40.

Oh, amazing.

Yeah.

I mean, everybody's got a can, right?

It's the blue and yellow can, the red cap, everybody.

I think every house in Canada has about three cans.

Yeah.

It's like, you know, like, if you run out of WD40, you've had a catastrophe, you're in trouble.

Yeah.

You've got a lot of squeaky doors or whatever.

Now, here's what's really interesting.

We've all got a can.

Do you know what WD40 stands for?

No water displacement.

40th formula.

40th formula.

Wow.

Their philosophy of businesses, we don't make mistakes.

We have learning moments.

Now their headquarters, Gary is a delightful Aussie.

You know, he's recently retired.

Now he's got his own institute and he's teaching, and he's beyond delightful.

I'll introduce you to him.

Please.

That'll be amazing.

We've become dear friends.

And you go to their headquarters.

They call it the Teepee because their culture is a Tribe.

We have a tribal culture in a tribe.

We farm together, we feed each other, we defend each other, we celebrate together.

Right.

We laugh together, we cry together.

On the steps between the first and second floor, it's only a two story building.

They've written every formula that didn't work.

Wow.

And it gives you permission to be innovative, to experiment, and when you fail, they go, okay, that clearly didn't work.

What did you learn?

How cool is that?

Yeah.

Assume positive intent, learn from your mistakes.

A learning, curious culture.

Wow.

Doesn't get any better than that.

Yeah, yeah.

And, you know, I want to, I want to chat about failure because I think as entrepreneurs especially, we are absolutely terrified to fail.

Not, we are so terrified of failing, we almost do everything humanly possible to avoid it.

And yet I've had so many mentors on here from like, you know, global 500 and all sorts of, you know, large mentorship companies.

And they say fail often, fail fast.

And I can just see every young entrepreneur listening and going, cringing and be like, what do you mean?

I don't want that.

Failure is traumatic.

Can we talk a little bit about failure and how to fail in a way that isn't traumatic?

Well, you know, it's so interesting because, you know, people, I'm going to start a company and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, 90% of those companies are going to fail.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, if, if you go into that thinking that you're not going to fail, I would suggest you get a good, safe government job, you know, and don't worry about, you know, being an entrepreneurial success.

I mean, you've talked to so many.

I mean, how many companies failed before they got it right?

You know, how many times did they burn through all that investment on an idea that they thought was sure fire?

And I'll tell you, and this is really hard for everybody and it's really hard for me.

We've had failures.

We had things we put together that we thought were really great and got involved and just didn't work.

You know, my, my dad was so funny.

He would, he would call me in the middle of the night.

So I moved to the east coast, right?

So my parents were in Vancouver.

And you know, this is before, you know, smartphones and stuff.

And the phone would ring at like 2 o' clock in the morning.

Like, when, when was the last time you got good news at 2 o'?

Clock?

Never.

So the phone rings, I stagger out of bed, I grab the phone, I go, hello, Dad?

I go, dad, is everything okay?

He goes, yeah.

Why would you say that?

Well, it's 2 o' clock in the morning.

He goes, yeah, it's only 11:00 o'clock here.

I go, yeah, dad, there's a time change.

Yeah.

Anyway, he loved us memorizing poems and sayings and stuff.

And he said, chess, I came across this poem.

You got to memorize it.

I said, dad, it's two o'.

Clock.

He goes, it'll just take a minute.

He said, it goes like this.

They said it couldn't be done.

With a smile.

He set out to do it.

He tackled that thing that couldn't be done, and he found that he couldn't do it.

He said, you know what, Jess?

Sometimes it just doesn't work.

Yeah.

The tough thing about failure, and I am as guilty of this as anyone.

I still have, you know, night terrors and wake up sweating, thinking about what I could have done, should have done, didn't do, is you got to let it go.

You got to learn what you can.

Like you say, fail fast and let it go.

My great mentor, one of the luckiest guys I know, Marshall Goldsmith, if you've ever read any of Marshall's wonderful books, what Got yout Here Won't get you There.

And he's got a wonderful group called the Hundred Coaches that I'm honored to be a part of.

Yeah.

And he gets in on our Mondays with Marshall, and he teaches us.

And one of the things that he teaches, and he's the world, without question, the greatest executive coach ever.

I think he kind of invented executive coaching, is he says, you gotta let it go.

And so the visual here, you'll have to imagine this.

Those of you listening, Kelly, I want you to take your right hand.

I want you to put it up near your right ear.

Like this.

Yeah.

And when you get, you know, you've had a failure and you just go like this, you take a deep breath and you say, let it go.

Wave your hand.

Let it go.

Just let it go and move on.

There are times when I use the two hand thing, you know, it's really traumatic.

Let it go.

The thing is, it's really hard because we step back and go, if I had just.

If I could have, you know, if we just not hired that person, if we had just had a little more time.

And the fact is, you know, depression is worrying about the past, and it drives you crazy because you can't change it.

Yes.

Anxiety is worrying about the future.

And so it's really interesting.

Marshall's got a lot of great quotes.

And when we're Talking and stuff.

I'll jot some down and just put it up on my bulletin board.

He said, you know, we suffer so much from the great Western disease of I'll be happy when.

I'll be happy when I make a little more money, you know, when I get married, when we have children, a little bigger house, little better car, you know, a little nicer vacation.

He said, look, depression is the past.

Anxiety is the future.

Be happy now.

Just be happy now.

Yeah, it's so hard to stay in the present, and yet that's where real joy is.

Look, you know, my dad said, I said, how's it going?

Daddy said, I woke up on the right side of the grass.

It's going to be a good day.

You know, okay, let's talk about be happy now.

You're absolutely right.

You're absolutely right.

Every entrepreneur, so many of them that I talk to, you know, I kind of asked them like, hey, did you ever find balance?

Did you ever find that like, work life balance where you're just like genuinely happy?

And I've talked with so many successful entrepreneurs on this show.

I talked with one of them who literally sold his company for $400 million.

And I asked him, I said, like, you know, work life balance, like, did you achieve it?

And the answer was always.

Almost all of them said yes.

But there was a lot of sacrifice along the way.

And unfortunately for a lot of them, I had a couple of them say it wasn't worth it and they went through divorce.

Their relationship with their kids is just gone or non existent.

You know, maybe they did, you know, succeed, but the cost of their own mental and physical health or, or they had to, like, they had to suffer for a block of time.

And you know, I'll talk to ones now that say, well, yeah, now I live this balanced life and it's like I work four hours a day and life is great, but it's like they got there later.

Like there was this like, period of time where they had to suffer, where they had to work, you know, 10, 15 hours a day to get things done and then they eventually achieve it.

But I guess I struggle with that because for me, everyone I've talked to where it kind of feels like they ended up somewhere where they felt like they had balance, they had to pay a pretty epic price to get it.

Yes.

And I will tell you that, you know, look, if you want to be extraordinary at anything, you're going to be out of balance.

You know, you and I are hockey fans, right?

You bet.

Yeah.

Connor McDavid does Connor McDavid have work, life, balance?

Not a chance.

That's not a chance.

No.

Right.

The thing that you've got to do while in that pursuit of excellence, and this is where the gray beards help you out, right?

Is you've got to make sure that you're carving out time for what really matters.

You know, I, I love the great Stephen Covey when he said, look, and, and I just read, read a book recently about hospice care, and they would talk about what people would say on their deathbeds.

And, you know, Covey would always say, no one on their deathbed says, I wish I'd spent more time at work.

Yeah, Nobody, right?

He talks about writing your obituary.

You know, what do you want people to say at your wake?

Like, do you want to look when your time comes?

Right?

Do you want people to say, kelly, man, I love that podcast?

Yeah, maybe, you know, I mean, you maybe want that to be part of the conversation.

What you want them to say is, you know what?

Best friend I ever had, you know, a husband that cared about me.

Right.

Best dad you can ever imagine.

So you can get there.

You can get to excellence without sacrificing, if you've got a good moral compass, if you really understand what's important.

So I'm going to recommend a couple of books to your listeners, if that's ok. First off, Leading With Gratitude, Anxiety at Work by em.

Those are my books.

They're on audible, they're on lit, video, books.

Everywhere you can find a book, you'll find those books.

One of my favorite books is written by Clayton Christensen.

Now, Clayton Christensen, for your entrepreneurs is really famous for the innovator's dilemma, right?

Went on to teach at Harvard.

The book that you want to read, though, is called How Will youl Measure youe Life?

By Clayton Christensen.

It's not a long book.

It's great and audible, right?

And he says this was the last class he would teach at Harvard.

Every year, in fact, he got cancer.

He passed away just a few years ago.

They had him speak at commencement because this class was.

Would be just packed to the rafters because he'd say, bring your girlfriends, bring your partner, bring your wife, you know, bring your friends.

And he would answer three questions.

He says, look, you're going to get a degree from the Harvard School of Business.

Stop it.

You know, it doesn't get any better than that.

I want you to figure out how a.

How am I going to develop a career that is meaningful and that I love?

2.

How am I going to Develop deep and meaningful relationships.

And three, how am I going to live a life of integrity and stay out of jail?

Now, that last part was a bit of a joke.

And yet as he tells the story, he says, look, we would have these five year reunions and at Harvard, they'd roll out the red carpet because they want your money.

And he says, after five years, it was maybe people were doing interesting jobs and interesting locales.

And he says, it wasn't lost in me that a lot of my classmates had married spouses much better looking than they were.

You know, they had all the trappings of success.

He said, as the years went by, that group got smaller and smaller, to your point, dysfunctional relationships and divorces and, you know, children that wouldn't talk to him and on and on.

And yet in business standards, they were ridiculously successful.

Yes.

He said, one year we had one of our classmates made $100 million in one year.

Wow.

And it was the same year he went to jail.

He was the CEO of Enron.

Oh, no.

So.

So he talks about a life of integrity and this is getting to work.

Life, balance.

Yeah.

He said, be careful when people ask you to do something.

Just this once, just this once.

If you'll do it once, you'll do it again.

And it tells the story.

He said, look, you know, I grew up in a very spiritual family.

He's a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, as am I.

We're Mormons.

Right.

Better known as Mormons.

The Christians, formerly known as Mormons are now, we've gone through this rebrand and our name.

Takes you five minutes to say, we digress.

And he was working for this big, you know, consulting firm.

And his boss comes and says, clay, Monday, biggest client.

Really want to make sure we've got it all dialed in.

Sunday morning, 8 o', clock, we're all getting together.

He goes, boss, I'm so sorry.

I should have told you.

You know, we're very devout in our faith.

Sundays is our day of worship.

I don't work on Sundays.

He goes, clay, what are you talking about?

It's our biggest client.

We're not going to do this every Sunday.

This Sunday is really important.

You got to be there.

He goes, boss, I'm telling you, my wife and I, when we got married, we had non negotiables.

And one of the non negotiables is, I don't work on Sundays.

I'm sorry, I won't be there.

He goes, ah, goes back to his team, comes back, says, clay, respect your beliefs.

Fine.

Saturday morning, 8 o', clock, we're all going to get together and work on this.

And he goes, boss, I shouldn't have told you.

Saturdays is our day for our family.

You know, I've got three little kids, I work really hard all week.

And my wife and I decided that Saturday was going to be family day.

I don't work on Saturdays.

He goes, clay, you're really important to this team.

You've got to be kidding me.

It's a Saturday.

It's one Saturday.

He goes, can't do it, boss.

Goes back, he's fine.

Comes back, he says, I've talked to the team, Clay.

We want to know, do you work on Fridays?

You know, now it becomes a funny story.

The fact is, though, if he'd gone to work on that one Sunday, then he said, well, what are you talking about, Clay?

He did it for that client.

You got to do it again.

And he would have lost his spiritual connection, his spiritual community.

If he'd started to work on Saturdays, he wouldn't have had time with his family.

So now, did Clayton Christensen go on to be extraordinary?

Absolutely.

And married for over 50 years, great kids, grandkids, you know, a man of faith, a man of family.

Remembered not just as a great business person, which he was a great teacher, a great mentor, a great dad, a great grandpa, a great friend.

You can do it.

Make sure you carve out your non negotiables and make sure that you have time to develop deep and meaningful relationships.

Another book you should put on your list, the Good Life by Robert Waldinger.

85 year study now of what creates a long, happy and healthy life.

It's not good genes, it's not a good diet and good exercise.

You know, it's not money, it's not fame, it's deep and meaningful relationships.

Married people are happier than people that aren't married.

People that volunteer are happier than people that don't.

People that go to church or have some kind of spiritual guidance because they have communities around them, right?

There's people in their lives that care about them over and above their families.

It's a brilliant book.

It's a brilliant read.

He's got a wonderful TEDx talk.

It's 12 minutes.

Treat yourself.

Robert Waldinger is the happiest guy you'll ever know.

Jewish by tradition, but a teacher, a mentor, and over above all of that, a Zen Buddhist priest.

Yeah, I know.

We had him on our podcast and said, you are now officially the coolest guy we've ever met.

Yeah.

And I asked him, I Said, how do you make sure that you continue to develop deep and meaningful relationships?

It was a tip he gave me.

I use it.

I encourage you to do it, and all your listeners.

He says, I look at my calendar every week.

Say, who haven't I talked to in a while?

Who am I having breakfast with?

Who am I going to lunch with?

Who are we inviting over for dinner?

Who just needs a little note in the mail?

Who needs a little call, a little text?

And I'm telling you, I've done it hundreds of times at this point.

I'm always amazed when people will text me back and say, how did you know?

How did you know I was having a tough day?

Yeah, I said, I didn't.

Your head popped into my.

Your name popped into my head, and I thought, I'm going to text him and just let him know, hey, you have no idea how much it meant to me.

Wow.

I just want you to know I love you.

I'm cheering for you.

You made a difference in my life.

I hope you're having a great day.

My gosh, that's so powerful.

And it takes no time at all.

Right.

You know, I do want to chat with you about time because, you know, you're incredibly successful.

You gotta be incredibly busy.

How do you manage your time effectively as, you know, a successful entrepreneur?

As somebody who is, you know, incredibly busy, your time is worth a fortune.

As an executive coach.

Talk to me.

How do you.

How do you balance time?

Or how do you use your time in the most effective way you can?

Well, I married well.

You know, I really did.

You know, as I mentioned, I grew up in sales, and there's no question, the best sale I ever made was when I got Heidi Olson, you know, to.

To marry me.

It's so interesting that.

And by the way, we just celebrated 41.

Our 41st wedding anniversary.

Wow.

Congratulations.

Yeah.

And my parents were married for 65, so I. I'm thinking we're, you know, we're a little over halfway there, you know?

Yeah, well, two thirds anyway.

Math is not my strength, as you can tell.

I always joke that I took a stats class and I was in the half of the class that made the upper half of the class possible, you know, so it's really interesting, I think, you know, you really have to surround yourself with good people, and Heidi keeps me very grounded.

You know, she's the one that says, hey, you need to.

You need to take a break.

You need to make sure that you're spending time and time in the right places.

But my faith is very important to me.

In my faith.

We don't have paid ministers.

Everybody's a volunteer.

And so you're called to be a minister, you're called to be a Sunday school teacher, you're called to work with the youth, you're called to work in the nursery, whatever it is.

And there's only one answer.

And the answer is yes, I was a bishop, which is basically your pastor for a young, single adult congregation for three years.

Young, single adults between the ages of 18 and 30, plus, you know, the age of decision.

And my wife and I, it was, it was a fabulous calling.

Now, it was, you know, it was a good another 20 hours a week to do that over and above what we're doing, you know, writing and speaking and traveling and so, yeah, you get pretty good at managing your time.

And maybe you got to get up a little early.

Maybe you have to take the red eye flight home, which, by the way, I don't.

If you can, just don't recommend.

Oh, my gosh, it's just brutal.

Especially if you don't get upgraded.

You know, it's just, it just, you know, it takes you like three days to recover.

Oh, you can land at 6 o' clock and go right to work.

No, you can't.

No, you can't.

That's the dumbest thing anybody.

And just come right to the office.

Yes.

How about you do that?

You fly to me, you know, so it is interesting.

And again, it comes down to priorities.

You know, it's so interesting.

Like, I'll come back for a trip.

And we've got two of our grandkids just live three, four blocks away, and they're over here all the time.

And I'll be laying there and the kids will come in and I'll say, you know, Chess, you should really go down there, spend time with your grandkids.

And I go, yeah, but I'm really tired.

And they go, yeah, they're not going to be this little for very long.

Like, you know, as a parent.

Yeah, those, those, those years blow by and so you go down and even if you're a little grumpy, you know, it's okay.

There's nothing better than a little kid runs up and gives you a big hug and a kiss.

Yeah.

You know, and don't miss those moments.

I'm a big fan of priorities.

You know, I mentioned to you we wrote this gratitude journal.

Just have rituals, have traditions and rituals.

My wife and I have a wonderful ritual at the end of the day, you know, whether I'm on The road or I'm home.

And we say, what are your three.

What are three things you're grateful for today?

And often it's many more than three.

You know, hey, God, I got to play tennis this morning.

You know, I got to mow the lawn.

You know, we had a great dinner, great family dinner together.

You know, I finished a good book, went for a good walk, you know, connected with an old friend.

And it really, you know, studies have shown particularly ending your day in a state of gratitude, you sleep a little deeper, you develop a little better relationships.

It calms your soul.

In our book, Anxiety at Work, we have eight strategies on how to deal with anxiety.

The eighth strategy is gratitude.

You can't be in a state of gratitude in a state of anxiety at the same.

You can't hold two emotions at the same time.

Yeah.

So if you have your choice between anxiety and gratitude, let me give you a heads up.

Choose gratitude.

I carry in my pocket.

This is a little bigger one, but these little gratitude stones, and they're all different.

And people say, oh, do you make those?

I go, no, it's two clicks on Amazon.

They sent me a box full of 100.

I wish I knew how to make stuff like this.

And I always carry two or three in my pocket.

I'll tell you, the sweetest story just happened last week.

And people do something great, or clearly they love their job and they make it fun for you to do whatever, whether it's buying something at the airport or getting your rental car or just in your town serving you that deli sandwich.

And I always say, hey, listen, it's clear that you love your job and you've made this so much fun for.

For me and my family.

I have a little gift for it.

And they go, what's that?

And it's this little gratitude stone.

And I show it to them, and I said, it's just a simple polished stone that says gratitude on it.

And they're all different, you know, And I said, look, the stone is important.

They're all different like people.

They're all a little flawed, you know, like people.

The thing is, a stone, when you throw it into a pond, makes the water ripple.

And that's the power of gratitude, is the ripple effect.

I hope it brings you good luck.

Thanks for making this so, so fun.

I hope this is a little reminder that, you know, even when you're having a tough day, there's lots to be grateful for.

Wow.

And now.

Yeah.

And it's it.

And I'm telling you, people tear up.

You Know, my wife is so funny.

She's a little more cynical.

She goes, can't believe you gave the guy a rock.

So anyway, I'm on this flight, I'm coming back.

It's late, you know, and I think it was a red eye, actually.

Anyway, this older.

I didn't get upgraded, right?

My seat's right next to the bathroom.

You know, it's always a wonderful place to be.

And there's this older flight attendant, and just with the best smile and just the best attitude, making everybody feel great.

And when she came by, I said, you know, Barbara, you've got a million dollar smile.

And she said, well, thank you.

I'll tell my dentist.

He'll be very pleased.

He was cute.

Yeah.

So coming to the end of the flight, I said, hey, Barbara, you know, you've really made this a lot of fun.

I've got a little something for you.

And I give her the story of the stone.

She tears up, and she said, you know what?

You have no idea how much this means to me.

And she knelt down on the aisle, and she kissed me on the cheek.

Wow.

It was just the sweetest little gesture, and she clutched it tight.

She goes, thank you so much.

And what.

What that tells you, right, is everybody's got something, everybody's struggling with something.

A little kind word, a little gratitude stone, a little token, whatever it might be.

It goes a long way into letting people know that, hey, I saw you.

You noticed.

Thanks for doing a great job.

It's amazing.

Yeah.

You know, like, the more I get to talk to you, the more I literally see somebody who literally embodies gratitude.

You know, like, there's a lot of people who know what to do, who know they should be nice, who know.

They should do these things, but it.

Takes a whole nother person to actually do that.

Like, there are not a lot of Chester Eltons out there.

Like, I'm gonna be honest.

I think when I grow up, I.

Want to be.

Like, I don't.

It's one thing to.

To see somebody do something nice, but I feel like it's a whole nother thing to live that way.

And I just want to, like, ask you, what was it that made you make the choice to live that way?

Because it sounds like you really practice what you preach.

Well, sure.

You know, for me, it's fun, right?

I mean, and those reactions, you know, I've got a million stories of gratitude stones.

Yeah.

You know, one of my favorites was the Irish waitress at an Irish pub in New York.

Like, the great thing about New York is you go to an Irish pub, they actually are Irish.

You know, you go to a pizzeria, they're Italian.

You know, the Korean restaurant.

They're Korean, right?

Yeah.

And she goes, oh, is this stone ever for me?

Really?

I get to keep it?

Absolutely.

Us, you know.

She goes, I'm going to show it to all my friends, you know.

I go, great.

Anyway, it's magically delicious, you know.

Anyway.

And you said, you know, thank you, by the way.

It's the ultimate compliment.

When you grow up, you want to be Chester.

I grew up wanting to be my dad, you know, John Dalton, Elton, One of the happiest guys you'd ever meet.

And he was.

He was just kind.

Yeah.

You know, and it wasn't that he didn't have trouble.

I mean, my parents had seven children.

Five survived.

You can imagine, you bury two kids.

Horrible.

That's hard.

That's really hard.

Really hard.

And yet, you know, he saw the good in people.

You know, he assumed positive intent everywhere he went.

Now, here's what's really interesting, Kelly, and thank you for that wonderful compliment.

The fact is, is that everybody can learn to be kind.

And it's one of the things I love to do in our executive practice.

I say, you know, you need to be nicer.

Well, why?

What is it going to benefit me?

I go, you have no idea how this is going to make your life better.

I had an executive.

It was really interesting.

So at the end of every session, whatever we were working on, there's all kinds of stuff.

Whether you want to work on being a better delegator or your executive presence or handling conflict better.

At the end of every session, I'd say, okay, now how are you going to take this home?

It was being a better communicator.

He goes, well, what do you mean?

I said, look, you've got a beautiful young family, you got two little kids.

How are you going to take this home?

One of his was, I need to be more appreciative.

I said, well, how are you going to be more appreciative of your wife?

He goes, what do you mean?

I said, well, when was the last time you told your wife you loved her?

He said, you don't understand my tradition.

We don't do that a lot.

You know, she works really hard, I work really hard, and I love you.

Just.

It's just not in our, you know, tradition.

I said, okay, well, could you do this?

At the end of the day, could you go up to your wife and say, hey, by the way, I just Want you to know it's not lost on me that over and above all the work you do, you know, you know, you prepare the meals, you make sure the kids are ready for school, you do so much above and beyond.

And I want you to know that's never lost on me and how much I really appreciate that.

I said, could you do that?

He goes, yeah.

I said, okay, repeat it back to me.

Get it right.

This doesn't sound rehearsed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, say it in the mirror like 50 times.

So anyway, in our next session, we doing a bunch of stuff, and it was coming to the end and we run out of time, and he said, oh, by the way, I want to tell you what happened with my wife.

I go, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, tell me.

Tell me.

He said, I did exactly what you told me.

I said, you know, over and above all you do, and it's not lost on me, and I really appreciate all the work you put in.

And I said, what did she say?

He said, she didn't say anything.

I went, ah, it didn't work.

You know?

I said, really?

She didn't say anything.

She said, no.

She just came over and gave me the biggest.

Biggest and best hug ever.

I was like, I knew it would work.

And what's really wonderful is at the end of that coaching engagement, we did the debrief, and I said, look, how did it work?

He goes, look, I'm a better leader, I'm a better manager.

Our team is happier, we're more engaged, we're more appreciative.

He said, but I got to thank you because over and above all of that, I'm a better husband.

I'm a better dad.

Yeah.

Wow, that must have made you feel amazing.

Yeah.

And.

Yeah.

And.

Right.

I mean, at the end of the story, isn't that what you want?

Yes.

And so this idea of, well, it's just not in my tradition.

Well, change your traditions, and it takes time.

And find little tokens and rituals.

I'm a big fan of handwritten notes.

You know, every now and again, I've got a big stack of them.

I write a bunch of the notes to my kids after an engagement.

I'll write a handwritten note to the organizer of the conference.

Nobody does it almost universally.

Like, I got this orange letter in the mail.

Yeah.

Thank you.

When did you have time?

You know, I took the red eye and I couldn't sleep.

Trust me.

And those simple little things.

And set it up.

You know, look at your calendar.

Who am I having lunch with?

Who I need to drop a note to.

I have a little ritual in the morning and it's gotten kind of stupid, but I literally text 50 plus people every morning with a little positive thought.

And my partner goes, well, you know, you can get an app where you can just do it once and text everybody.

I go, yeah, I tried to figure that out.

And it's, you know, because you don't want everybody's name on the group, everyone.

Replying, everyone getting dings.

Yeah.

By the way, it takes me 15 minutes, you know, and it happens at 6:00am so it's not like him.

I said, you know, what I really like about it is every time I think about that person, you know, it's.

It's Darcy, it's Cheryl, it's, you know, it's Sean, it's.

Yeah, it's Fiona.

And it's wonderful.

My gosh, you might be the king of gratitude.

Actually, you know, in, in our bio, I love it when they say the Apostle of appreciation.

Do you know where we got that?

Where?

When we wrote the Carrot Principle.

The Toronto Globe and Mail reviewed our book and said, there's no question Gostig and Elton are the apostles of appreciation.

I still carry business cards.

It's kind of old school, but I like it.

And my title in our company is the Apostle of Appreciation.

It's great.

That's amazing.

No, this has been.

This has been incredible.

Chester, thank you so much for taking the time today to chat with us.

Yeah, no, listen, Kelly, you've got a great way about you.

You've got such a positive energy, which doesn't surprise me because you're Canadian, eh?

And I wish you all the best.

You know, if your listeners want some great information, follow me on LinkedIn.

We've got a wonderful website, TheCultureWorks.com where we offer a bunch of stuff up.

If you're looking for some great ideas around gratitude, then we publish a gratitude journal.

It's our newsletter.

We publish it twice a month, so every other week.

We have over 320,000 subscribers.

We bring in great thoughts and ideas.

We highlight our podcast in there.

We highlight friends of ours that are authors that have wonderful books coming out.

It doesn't cost you anything.

Please subscribe.

And you can actually subscribe for a monthly text that will send out to you with a little positive gratitude message.

So there's lots of helps out there and trust me, leading with gratitude, having gratitude practices, it's not just a better way to lead.

And we have a million person database to prove it out.

The data is IRREFUTABLE it's not just a better way to lead, it's a better way to live.

I promise you, the ripple effect of gratitude practices in your life develops deeper and meaningful relationships, more fun at work.

And trust me, people will want to hang out with you because you're just the happiest guy that I've ever met.

This was an absolutely incredible interview.

I really love who you are as a person.

I love your energy.

And once again, I am grateful.

Thank you for thank you for coming on the show, Chester.

You got it, Kelly.

Call me anytime.

This was a delight.

Cheer.

Until next time, this has been episode 258 of the Business Development Podcast and we will catch you on the flip side.

This has been the Business Development Podcast with Kelly Kennedy.

Kelly has 15 years in sales and business development experience within the Alberta oil and gas industry and founded his own business development firm in 2020.

His passion and his specialization is in customer relationship generation and business development.

The show is brought to you by Capital Business Development, your business development specialists.

For more, we invite you to the website at www.capitalbd.ca.

see you next time on the Business Development Podcast.